becca kicks butt (beccakicksbutt) wrote,
becca kicks butt

I'm back :)

So I got this app for my iPhone and I'm stuck on a bus for 4 hours so I thought I'd resurrect this journal. Be warned I'm contemplative and bored. This will be long.

I think I made a serious life decision last night. I think I'm moving to LA next fall. I'm scared shitless, but excited. I'm still not sure I'm ready, but I have a year to get my act together and do it.

Why am I doing this? Well, a part of me always wanted to. When I moved to ny, I said I would give myself five years in ny and five years in la then reevaluate my career choice after tha if nothing big happened. It's been five years and I'm antsy. I want something different. I love ny. It's home. But it will always be there waiting for me. I need to do this while I'm still young without anyhing holding me down. The fact that I've lived in my apartment for a year and half my stuff is still in boxes has to mean something.

This weekend I was in dc visiting my friend holly who's originally from socal. She's planning on moving back west next fall. Shell be up in sf which isn't close, but she still has a lot of friends that live in the LA area. Our mutual friend Amy does as well, a lot of whom are actors or directors and could help show me the ropes.

I met these two guys last night. One is going into the peace Corp in feb. He mentioned how he always wanted to live in ny, and I told him to do it. He might when he gets back because, hey, why not? Late last night after a few adult beverages made us slightly maudlin, the second boy mentioned how the first boy was living his dream. He always wanted to go into the peace Corp. Even went as far as to fill out an application, but go talked out of it. It's painfully obvious he wants to go still, but is holding himself back for some reason. Why? If you have the means and the ability to do something, why not just fucking do it?

Don't get me wrong, I know it's not as simple as that, but it should be. I've been told that when you set your mind to something and make a strong decision, the universe hears you and will help you achieve whatever it is you set out to do. Doors will open that you never imagined. I used to kind of think this was bullshit, a little too much of The Secret, but in looking back on my life and the things that I've truly wanted and gotten, I see it. I'm becoming a believer slowly but surely.

Hopefully now that I've made this decision, things with my career will start picking up more. I know I said I wanted to take the summer off, but lately I've found myself missing auditioning. I need to get back in the game. It's what I want to do. It's what I NEED to do. Hell, it's the only thing I CAN do. I've been having a lot of fun lately which is great. Life SHOULD be fun. But I haven't been working and that's not good. I'm getting too old for this shit.

Speaking of working, I need to start working out. Even if it's just 20 minutes a day. I claim to want to be a runner, but I keep making excuses not to. Lame. Jason got up off his hungover ass and went for a run yesterday, I can get off my lazy one. I want to start doing yoga, especially since I've come to the realization that I am quite bendy. And damn it feels good to be that stretched out. Now that I've lost a good chunk of weight I need to really start toning up. Can I also just say how awesome it was to fit into and borrow hollys clothes last night? I felt HOT. Hopefully someone will post some pics up on fb so I can see if it was my own beer goggles, or if I looked as good as I though lol.

In other news, I've met the boy I want to marry someday. He is beautiful. Seriously. I don't think i've ever met a guy in real life who was this gorgeous and wasn't an actor. 6'2" ish, light brown hair, green eyes, and the most amazing tanned skin. Seriously, all i kept thinking about was how i wanted to lick it. ;) He's fun. We had a blast this weekend. He's nice and sweet and a genuinely good person. He's the one going into the peace Corp. And what was he doing before this? He was a 5th grade teacher. Un. Real. He's also a boy boy. Really into sports and boy things. Want. I told holly I didn't want to hook up with him because I liked him too much. That is so not like me lol. Who knows? Maybe I'll find him on fb, we'll become super good friends and when he comes back from the pc we'll hook it up. You hear me universe? Make it happen. One two three go. I haven't had a crush in a while. I think it's about time.

In other boy/holly related news, she mentioned that she always thought Ray and I would hook up so i guess I WASN'T imagining it. I guess I might have to take him up on his offer and visit sf after all. Perhaps I'll do it under the guise of checking out the west coast as my new home. Who knows. I'm getting excited about life and it's possibilities again.

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